.: Welcome To My World. My Thoughts. :.

*A VERY VERY WORDY POST:

aileen needs to start to position herself from now on...
thks Serena! really thks for e chat. it's all bcoz of u tt i am still ard. i still have alot of weaknesses but yet u gave me chance after chance after chance, nv-endg chances, juz like wad God does. i wanna be someone better, many times i failed, but i juz wanna pick myself up and try agn. xing ku ni le! loving me had been hard, but u nv give up. i really appreciate such love. from e bottom of my heart, i love u! ((:

recently i had been out wif my frenz. i do enjoy my time out wif them for e past few days. really miss them alot. i thk God for great frenz like them, esp someone.

PS: i dun wish to offend anyone, but im juz reflectg my life over here.

for e very 1st time, i stepped into a club (phuture/zouk). im really puzzled why it has the ability to draw crowds in. well, i experienced it for myself. i did watch my drinkg dis time round, it's a good field trip for me. =D i can simply choose to get drunk and be physical ard. however, i noe ultimately tts not wad i wan, i nearly fell into e trap but i controlled. wad i learnt was really not to find love/strength from without esp when i feel like it's another lonely xmas. but i really need sthg (or rather someone) to gimme e love/strength from within.

i really reflected, if God wasnt in e equation of my life, wad would i actually be doing now? im alr trapped in a vicious cycle which i wanna break free from. come to tink of it, if i simply indulge myself in such lifestyle, i juz cant imagine how much more messed up would my life be. i cant deny tt i do enjoy, but i'll definitely feel empty if tt's all i do. i need a balanced life.

im not perfect and dere's only one person who can help me go on to perfection. im still tryg, im still learng, i need alot of time.

suddenly i felt e love of God overwhelmg me, uncontrollable tears are rollg down. God i miss u, im sorry i had been dwellg in self-pity, i had been wantg to stay in e past and juz stay on. i noe tt evrythg's different, it's no longer e same, no longer my choice. i noe tt im juz not any time ready. i juz wanna move on, teach me how. i need e love/strength for progression. God, juz keep me busy wif e rite things, i dun wan any time to tink abt those stuff. hard but i need to control my mind from wanderg.

im pretty shocked by how much a person can offend me and how hard it is for e mental block to be removed. i guess u are e reason, but yet i tink it's juz bcoz of popularity.

thks for all e Xmas presents from Joanne, Cleo, Doro, Cheryl, Vivian, Vanessa, Junhao, Soon Eng (i hope i din miss anyone out)! i really love them all. last but not least, of cuz, sthg which means alot to me was given to me as a gift from someone really sweet. thks Kelly! sorry for e trouble tt u've searched places juz to get me wad i was oso searchg for. i will take good care of it de. it should be wif me everyday if i rmbr to bring it along. =))

now is e time... time to meet Daddy God and haf a good rest for tmr! =)) tmr will be a better day!

leen
11:43 PM